8/10

“The modern mind is in complete disarray. Knowledge has stretched itself to the point where neither the world nor our intelligence can find any foot-hold. It is a fact that we are suffering from nihilism.”

Albert Camus

Imagine that you have fallen prey to the ‘curse’ of having a depth in your consciousness, that you are someone who is much more aware about life than any other. You feel emotions, perhaps even much more strongly than others. Despite having a seemingly great life in relative terms to the average human, you are constantly plagued by negativity. You look around to see that a lot of good has happened in your life and that you have done so much to reach where you reside currently. However, in spite of all the good you have experienced you also face a lot of struggles, a lot of unfortunate circumstances. These inequities that you see in your life pops out so much more strongly than the good, and you feel the persistent dread of negativity. You then go into this endeavor for purpose, to look for the meaning for why such things can happen, for why evil exists at all. In this pursuit of meaning, you desperately look with faith that one day your questions will be answered. You wish for a future where you won’t have to suffer anymore, where you’d finally be happy in this world of evil.

You look and look, but all you can come to is higher degrees of concerning existentialism. Answers left unanswered, your life stagnates, you feel stuck. Contrary to the optimistic start, you find yourself getting disappointed the longer you look, the more hopeless things seem to be. You realize that perhaps, ignorance truly is bliss, and knowledge only leads you to understand that there is so much more you do not know, and maybe you never will know. In the pursuit of meaning, you start to lose purpose, you start to lose heart. You fall into some sort of depressive state in where life seems meaningless, that in the bigger picture you do not matter. Everyone will die, the earth will rot, and everything you do doesn’t matter all that much. You are going to be forgotten eventually, no one will remember you, not even your family, friends, or future generations. There wasn’t much hope to begin with, I would even argue that perhaps you looked for meaning without any hope for anything. Perhaps you already knew the answer from the start, and you simply did not want to accept it. But now things are much more apparent, your understanding is far clearer. You have lost already lost all hope a long time ago, and now you lose the hope deep down that you never thought you had.

Deathconsciouness is a dreadful masterpiece that came out of nowhere in 2008, composed by the rock duo Have a Nice Life as a studio album with a very low budget of $1000 (US). It was left rather unnoticed on released, but through internet forums and message boards it slowly spread internationally, leaving more and more people in awe with the impact it has. The album is labeled under the Alternative genre but I believe it feels more so like a dark apocalyptic rock record, with borderline gothic undertones.

In the ever increasing interest of nihilism and similar existentialistic philosophies in the modern world, it is quite common for one to feel a sense of meaningless in their life. Quick and temporary gratification through the abundance of pleasures have made happiness seem very accessible, pushing people to believe that fulfillment comes from the myriad of temptations they come face to face with. However, is that really the case? Once one realizes such thought and see how easy life is in the world today, individual purpose starts to feel quite insignificant. “I have no contribution to the world. I do not know what I want to do. There will always be someone better than me.” Deathconsciouness captures that bitter dread one may feel towards life in such a magnificent way that often it feels unreal that music may bring such negativity.

The entire record is quite straightforward in some sense, echoing gloom throughout without much hope in life. The first track of the album “A Quick One Before the Eternal Worm Devours Connecticut” is arguable one of the best starts to any album at all, fully encapsulating the hopelessness that one may feel as they accept their impending doom in a meaningless world. The simple up-and-down melody that rings through the entire song, accompanied by looming digital strings, and occasional overpowering electric humming takes the listener to a plane of nothingness. That instead of emotions or thoughts forming as you consume this work of art, you feel nothing at all. And maybe, that is all there is to it. The songs ends with a distorted echo which speaks, “Sometimes I just- I just don’t know”. Perhaps that’s how one feels towards life as they spiral through existential dread. Perhaps it isn’t that there is something bad waiting in the future or that an apocalypse is unavoidable. But it’s something even worse, nothing. In that regard, how can one define what ‘nothing’ is, as there is nothing to describe. In that sense, perhaps you won’t ever know what purpose life brings, and when one is faced with such question, one can only respond “I do not know”.

Another track that stands out to me is “There is No Food”, which marks the second half of the record. In here a soft beeping starts, which is eventually interrupted by a powerful bass the accompanies the rest of the song. The upbeat contrast that is introduced here pushes a sense of hope that the listener may start to feel. From this point, the record shifts to more upbeat hard-rock style that feels quite chaotic but somehow exciting. It pushes into a more accepting reality in which the listener may start to accept the reality of the world. Despite the depressive start, one accepts and understands that even though life is meaningless, it can still be lived out. Through pain, suffering, evil, and hopelessness, one does not need a grand purpose to live. You will still feel negative emotions, but that does not mean good does not exist. Within this stage of acceptance one shifts their focus from existentialism and purpose to facing reality as it is. One heads straight into the chaos and fights back. There may not be hope in putting meaning to the universe’s grander scheme, but there is hope in life.

You may wish that you never existed or that you were dead but the fact that you are still alive is a testament to the hope that resides inside you. No matter how small, a small part of you still wishes to live on, to fight against human inclination to dwell within suffering. To live even if it seems meaningless, to go against everything you stand for. “Earthmover”, the last track within the record, presents this feeling as a whole masterfully as it ends the experience of Deathconsciouness. Often it feels as if Deathconsciouness presents emotions equivalent to someone slowly dying as they begin to accept their impending doom but its hopeful ending brings me to believe that it is trying to say something else. Perhaps one must accept the idea that there isn’t much meaning to life and that one day you will die and be forgotten. Yet, you are still alive now and in the reality where the future looks like a plane of nothingness, you can create meaning and purpose for yourself. Perhaps facing suffering can be purpose in itself, enough for you to live on. Resisting suffering is futile, but one should never stop trying.